Having a blahhh kind of day!

Well...as my title above shows I'm having a terrible day! This is my first post so I will share a little about my journey with infertility. In 2000 I conceived and had my first child, healthy baby boy weighing 8lbs 1/2 oz light of my life! My relationship with his father didn't last so I never wanted anymore children until I knew I was going to be HAPPILY married. After getting married my husband and I decided to start trying for a baby. Every month we would try and try and try after a year of trying nothing :( We then started seeing an obgyn since you have to be trying for a year before you are considered to "infertility" issues. It all started one night that I started having extreme pain, like bend over pain. My husband rushed me to the ER. It was a ruptured ovarian cyst. That lead to another appt to see if there were any other cyst's, little did I know I was about to get a big surprise after having an ultrasound and HSG done. On my right side I had a dermoid cyst and the left side my tube was blocked. I was told that I should have laproscopic surgery to explore and try to remove that cyst. After the surgery I was told that I have stage 4 endometriosis with a blocked left tube. We then tried for 6 months and nothing happend, we then got referred to an actual reproductive endocrinologist. They also wanted to preform surgery in which they hollowed out the dermoid  cyst and clean out most of the endo. Our fertility process eneded there because soon after my husband left for the military. We just got settled in our new home in June of this year and are now going through the fertility process once again but thanks to the military we are able to do more since it's provided to us cost free. I am now cyst free but my left tube is now filled with fluid, which I will eventually have to have it removed. I start my first cycle of IUI and clomid this month, really nervous because I heard some horror stories about clomid ugh but I am willing to give it a try. We are having some of my husbands sperm frozen that way while he is deployed I can do another 2 cycles while he is away, if this doesnt work then hopefully we will go the IVF route. I never thought in a million years that I would have trouble getting pregnant, I can honestly say that it is by far the hardest thing I have ever endured! I have my days, today being one of them where I just sit on the couch and cry. It seems as if everyone around me is getting pregnant, I'm not upset about that and I'm so happy for them but I am dying inside. I know we have an IUI this month but I feel less of a woman not being able to do it on our own. I'm so tired of hearing people say " just relax, it will happen" or "your trying to hard" now which is it?? People that have not walked a mile on my shoes need not judge more nor give me advice! I find it so hard trying to find someone to talk to and that understands. My poor husband says "hunny, why are you so upset over this...it will happen"  god love him but he doesn't understand a bit what I'm going through. Im really nervous about my first cycle of IUI and clomid. Whoever I talk to please be aware that I may just bite your head off lol my husband sure is lucky he's going to be out to sea haha. I'm trusting in the good lord and putting this all in his hands praying he gives us our little miracle!