It's that time of month....again

Here I am again, the point where I am ovulating, where I get my hopes up time and time again only to be let down when dear old aunt flow decides to show her ugly face! I sometimes find myself asking "what did I do wrong to deserve to not bear anymore of my own children"? I know God doesn't punish people but I just don't understand why sometimes =/ At this current time we are not doing treatments until after my surgery in Dec so I am solely relying on timing and trying some home "remedies". I thought for sure last month was going to be the month but of course it wasn't my time. About a week ago I think I was tested emotionally. I was on the mother baby unit at work and the minute I walked through the door I found myself short of breath and not sure I could take another step. I managed to walk up to the window on the way through the unit and looked in at the most precious little baby, she was just a few minutes old looking so sweet. I wanted to break down and cry but I kept my composure the entire time and told myself "Christina, you can't ever give up!" I know in my heart that it will happen, I just wish I knew when so I can stop having heart break after heart break every month. I want so bad to give my husband his very own bundle of joy, I want so bad to share that amazing gift from God with the man that I love so much! I know one day it will happen, I just wish that day was now :'(